My Ex Called . . .

I can’t talk about this to anyone, so I’m coming here to vent. Last night a boyfriend from 10 years ago called, for vague reasons. He said he’s in California looking to get established job/apartment wise, wanted to meet for a drink, etc…I guess another girl I knew in high school gave him my number and told him to call me. (I haven’t communicated with her in 3 or 4 years since I moved away after college).

Its not uncommon for people to give out numbers of people they ‘know in LA’ when a friend is coming out here-I get calls like this from time to time, from people who know someone I used to know a long time ago (my current fiancé gets calls like these as well-I’m sure many transplants do).

However, this ex boyfriend from 10 years ago has once again gotten under my skin. I haven’t thought about him in about 6 years, but that means it took a few years to stop thinking of him. We were young teenagers at the time, but he really affected me negatively after our ‘break up’. He was careless toward me, cheated (He was my first BF, we were teenagers, etc…). It was a time when I had low self esteem, teenage emotional/identity problems and he was a loser, etc…though it took me about 2 years after to even figure out he was an asshole, and switch my pining to hate. (you know how it goes, when a young tart has low self esteem her dates are usually retarded, as mine were)

In other words, this is a blast from the past I would prefer to have forgotten forever. But now, I have a stomach ache from just thinking about my teen years since he called yesterday-and especially thinking of him specifically. The last time I knew him, I hated him-he hurt me so much at the time. (I am now indifferent, since a decade has passed and I don’t even know who he is, and really don’t care.)

I’m a grown adult now, free of whatever trauma or troubles I had as a teen. I wish this ex boyfriend had never called, but now I’m sort of curious. On the phone, I asked him a few questions about what he was doing out here, and it sounded like he was in a position of a person who didn’t plan very well (i.e. ‘drifting’ around, looking for work, etc…). It seemed to be a very desperate phone call-why else would anyone call a person they have not seen or spoken to in a decade, especially when that person is an ex-mate whose bridge they burned?

It is clear we have very different lives-I have a career, and live in Beverly Hills with the love of my life, a man I will spend my life with. He sounded like most people from ‘back home’, working shitty low pay jobs, still living with roommates, their parents or suffering single parenthood-Typical problems of being stuck in ’small town America’. (BTW, small town America for me is New England: ‘Everybody knows your name’ is not too far from the truth)

I realize the phone call was a desperate one, but what the hell did he expect me to do for him? I mean, I don’t know him! In the brief 5 minute conversation, he dropped hints of me helping him meet connections or help finding a job (though it was masked with ‘lets meet for a drink’). I mean, WTF? I barely even afford my own family time or exception. What the hell was he thinking? I have no idea who he is-He could have a criminal background, he could take drugs or drink heavily still (some of us move on, some don’t), I have no idea what his work ethics are, etc…

Why the hell would I wish to help a now stranger who demonstrated no integrity when I did know them? Why would I risk my name, my finance’s name, our jobs for a referral of some douche who shat on me 10 years ago? My fiancé’s sister came out here with the same blind Hollywood aspirations, and he didn’t give his sister the time of day (because he knew she was a flake, and wouldn’t hold a job, and so wouldn’t give her a referral in his name-he could risk himself for an idiot- In turn, I would not give my idiot brother a referral out here if he asked, unless I knew he could do the job). This isn’t schoolroom politics, but real world business. This point makes me extremely frustrated, and a little angry. WTF went through this kid’s mind when he 1. sought out my number and 2. actually called me?

I don’t know exactly he point of this rant other then the vent or maybe collect comments. Its really upsetting my stomach, and I had trouble getting to sleep last night. On top of all this, my fiancé is a very jealous man, and if he found out another man called me-never mind an ex boyfriend, even if it is one from high school- he’d be very upset. I almost feel like I’ve done something wrong even though I had nothing to do with this kid from the past calling me.