less than one & double

This is the category where I talk about being a parent, an experience I believe constitutes a "borderland" or "in-between" identity, because for me, its meaning is always in flux. The phrase "less than one and double" is a remnant from French feminism that still gets bandied about every once and a while when people want to talk about the experience of the native in the post-colonial world. Which happens a lot more often than you would think--if you're in academia, that is.

I've used the term here not because I want to relive the pretensions of my graduate school experience, but because it is the phrase that best describes my early experiences as a parent. While I was still pregnant, I was quite literally less than one and double. I was no longer the "self" than I had been up until that point: I did not feel the same way, I could not eat or do the same things. But at the same time, I was more than that self had ever been, because inside of me there were two selves--Anna and the baby, whomever he was to turn out to be. My experience as "me" did not count in the same way as it had before, and a whole other world of double opened up where that illusion of a single self had existed before.

I think once you become a mother you are forever after that less than one and double. This is what I know of it, anyway: no longer fully complete on your own, but always more than that, because of the little one before whom flowers never seemed so beautiful, and sugar never tasted so sweet.

Here are some of my favorite posts about being a parent:

• To Mini, On Our First 2 1/2 Years
• Poop and Circumstance
• Choo-Choo Porn: Is It Worse Than Crack?
• A Day In The Park
• Sappy Mommyblogging; Or, I'm Doing My Best To Turn My Son Gay, One Day At A Time
• Can We Talk? (Because I'm Not Really Sure)
• ABDPBT Celebrity Profile: Bruin Bear

Below are the full archives for "less than one and double." Have a look around: I hope my experience adds something to yours.