2 More Pieces of Evidence I Didn’t Need That The Green Movement Is Not Only Pretentious And Annoying, But Also Sick and Macabre

by anna on October 14, 2009

I'm not sure where to start with the problems here.

I'm not sure where to start with the problems here.

This, friends, is a teddy bear made out of a placenta.

We already know that the green movement is pretentious and annoying. Now it appears that the green movement also has a sick and macabre side as well. Alex Green, an artist with a delightfully convenient name, was inspired to create her “Twin Teddy Kit” for a special design exhibition featuring “sustainable play design” called “Doing It For The Kids.” The exhibition was sponsored by [re]design, a green design website, as well as some corporate sponsors who must not have realized how far some people are willing to take the notion of “sustainable.” Not to mention what some people might think is appropriate for children to play with.

Has there been a misunderstanding somewhere? Placentas are a renewable resource, Ms. Green. We needn’t worry ourselves with reusing them so much, they get quite a bit of use in the primary function, and are usually more than happy to be laid to rest in the giant red biohazard bin directly after the baby is delivered. Or is the problem that we have run out of plush material? Can somebody get Tim Gunn on the phone? I’m sure that Mood has something in a cashmere or a “Minkie Soft” fabric that you might consider subbing in for the PLACENTA that has been STITCHED TOGETHER in the form of a teddy bear here. Far be it from me to make a cheap pun, but have you considered thinking outside of the box on this one?

According to Inhabitots, the genius of the placentabear is that it “celebrates the unity of the infant, the mother and the placenta.” The thing is, there is no “unity” between the infant, the mother, and the placenta, at least not once the baby and the placenta are outside of the mother’s body. I don’t care how “sustainable” you want your design to be, a used placenta does NOT belong in a sweatshop factory loft in downtown Los Angeles waiting to be made into a pattern — oh, and probably not a good idea to put it near your kid’s head, either, particularly not if you have dogs at home. And here’s another tip: if you need to encase your baby toy in glass to keep away flies, it’s probably not the best choice for a baby gift. But don’t worry, you’ll pick these things up as time goes on: nobody starts out being an expert at parenting.

I sharpen dead people.

I sharpen dead people.

And the Serial Killer Chic trend in green design doesn’t stop there! I featured this Pencil Box Made Out of Dead People on ABDPBT Commodity Fetishism as part of my exposé on products for which there is simply no excuse, but it bears repeating here. Because there are limits to what we can reasonably expect even the most environmentally concerned citizen to adopt as part of their life. And turning a loved on into a pencil box with pencils stamped with their name, maybe it sounds like poetry to you when you’re hocked up on scat on some artists retreat, or if your eyes are all black like those people on True Blood, listen I don’t know. What I do know: this is sick. If you put this in your house, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that you are sick. And that it’s just a matter of time before you start killing and torturing small animals, or price-comparison shopping for clown suits.

Which is more disturbing -- the box, or the people who like the box?

Which is more disturbing -- the box, or the people who like the box?

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{ 8 comments }

1
Kerry October 14, 2009 at 5:19 am

The people who like the box. No question.

And the teddy bear…I’m speechless. I really am.

2
Alias Mother October 14, 2009 at 7:57 am

Now, now. I think that any true environmentalist would know these are both crocks, as taking materials that will naturally decompose in very little time and putting them through the manufacturing process is actually the opposite of anything resembling green.

3
Snakey October 14, 2009 at 8:12 am

The only thing that would make that bear scarier is if they’d made a clown instead.

So I guess you won’t be supportive of my green memento business that celebrates our pets’ by-products? May I interest you in a copper-plated, uniquely shaped pendant (not two are alike, really!)? Poop candle? No?

4
Snakey October 14, 2009 at 8:12 am

The only thing that would make that bear scarier is if they’d made a clown instead.

So I guess you won’t be supportive of my green memento business that celebrates our pets’ by-products? May I interest you in a copper-plated, uniquely shaped pendant (not two are alike, really!)? Poop candle? No?

5
Amy Boland October 15, 2009 at 7:16 am

These have simply got to be ironic commentaries on… um… something. Excuse me, I’m going to go throw up my breakfast now.

6
Perpetua October 15, 2009 at 11:14 am

Rarely does something on the internet make me want to barf, maybe because I don’t search out gross topics. That bear, however, pushes my limits. And I’m someone who had my husband take a picture of the placenta because I couldn’t believe how huge it was.

7
Jennie October 19, 2009 at 11:58 am

The placenta thing is weird, weird, weird, but how is the pencil box any weirder than a dead person’s ashes on your mantel? You most likely handle dead flesh every day. I doubt either of them are actually “green” but eh, to each her own.

8
The Mayor October 31, 2009 at 9:28 pm

Fascinating stuff. Working in OB I’ve handled hundreds of placentas, even had a few patients eat a piece or plant them in their garden. But I never saw one dried out and scientifically can’t imagine how it would look like a piece of hide since it is a solid organ, not something with a “covering”.I guess I’m going to really have to ponder this.

Regardless, the teddy reminds me of silence of the lambs.

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